all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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