just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Randomize
