Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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