White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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