so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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