Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
