It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
