You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
