a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
