I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
