so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
