Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize