Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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