from now on my penis is your penis
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
