I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I'm passing your future prison.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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