his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
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