Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
