I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
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