There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
