Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
