How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
