I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
