i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
