tell your sister to shave her snatch
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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