you lied. pity sex is amazing.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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