i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
