I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
