I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Randomize
