you traded sex for a burrito?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize