I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
