What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
