You don't have asthma, your pregnant
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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