you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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