Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
