how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Randomize
