all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
