Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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