the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
