Life is so much better after having sex.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize