My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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