You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
