my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
