I swear she didn't look like that last week.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
