weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
