I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Randomize
