I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
