i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize