apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
