ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
