Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
