in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
