I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
