Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
