i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
