Please, let me fuck your mom
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
