bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
