If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
