I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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