Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
