hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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