opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
