The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
