How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
